Some days I wonder why God even bothers with me. It’s those days that I don’t even like myself; so why should God? The days where, no matter how much coffee I drink, I am still miserable, grumpy and just plain intolerable to be around. I don’t want to even bother with me; so why should He? I feel unworthy to even utter His Name at times. As if at the mere breath from me, He rolls His eyes in “Not again…”
Those days where I feel unqualified at my job, incompetent in my marriage, inept with my so-called talent, confused about everything, angered at my impatience, insecure about my appearance (and just overall me). [deep breath in, slowly exhale…] These are the days that I cherish that I am not measured by my salary, my looks, or any (if any) of my accomplishments in this world. It doesn’t matter what anyone (especially me) thinks of me; it only matters what God thinks of me. And despite all of my imperfections and inadequacies, He loves me; just the way that I am—my flaws and my flares…
The past couple of weeks I’ve been overwhelmed with uncontrollable uncertainties. I choke on my self-doubt. I walk around aimlessly, unsure of how to exist, let alone live, and feel like a zombie at times. I pray you’ve never been there, but I suspect that many of you have. It’s so easy to get caught up in the pain of this world. We easily see and feel the disappointments all around us. We live in a conditional world; but thankfully God’s love is unconditional. Those days when I don’t like myself—it’s okay, because Jesus loves me. Jesus doesn’t believe the lies in our heads; so why do we? I’ve come to realize that the devil doesn’t blatantly lie to us. He’s not that obvious, or we’d have an easier time pushing him aside and following Jesus. Satan takes part of the truth and twists it to a deformation so unrecognizable from the actual truth. For instance, I’m not a perfect wife. (If you listen closely you can probably hear an ‘Amen’ from my husband) However, I am not a horrible wife. He gets in my head and has me focused on my inadequacies that I am blinded to the areas I excel. We don’t need to be held captive of our minds, we belong to Jesus. (Ephesians 2:20-21)
If only we could see ourselves as God sees us. God created us in His image. (Soak that in for a moment). (Genesis 1:27) That means, we are perfect in His eyes. God doesn’t make mistakes. Everything is for a reason. He sees past our sins and beyond our mistakes. (That’s the beauty of His Mercy and Grace). (Ephesians 2:10). We must see past our mistakes as well. We worry about things that God has already forgotten about; and truthfully, never even thought of to begin with. He doesn’t look at our flaws, unless He can use them for our flares. (Romans 8:28) A friend of mine summed it up beautifully: “It’s not how you feel, it’s what’s real.” And what’s real is God’s love for you. (and me). (1 John 4:16)