"This We'll Defend"...

Some days I have a hard time understanding what my purpose is. So many people around me seem to have their stuff together, and I’m just hanging out…wondering where I fit in to God’s Plan.

I hear stories about people who receive this ‘calling’ from God. They’re given a very direct order on the role He wants them to do. But what about those of us that don’t hear that direction? What is our purpose? Are we to do nothing? How does that help?

I want to be more for God; I pray for His help to grow me, teach me and guide me where I can do the most work for Him. And sometimes, I feel like a strategic operative; others, a tactical nuisance. I’m not going to lie, I want to hear Jesus tell me “well done, good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21, 23) But does that mean that my work for Him has to be big? I’m struggling with that idea lately. Maybe it’s my plans that are big, and His plans are much scaled back for me. Maybe I can’t handle the pressure, the capacity, or the recognition and praise. Something is holding God back from using me in a larger scale. Am I disappointed? Absolutely! But, and here’s where I’m learning a bit, I’m not discouraged. God has a complete plan for me. (Jeremiah 29:11) He knows best. (Psalm 147:5; Isaiah 55:9) There’s a reason I’m not the frontrunner. There’s a reason I’m more behind-the-scenes. (Ephesians 2:10) Maybe it is because I struggle with my pride, and wanting praise. Maybe it’s because I’m better at assisting than leading. Maybe it’s because of a reason I am not in the need to know right now…

It reminds me of the children’s song “I’m in the Lord’s Army”: “I may never march in the infantry, Ride in the cavalry, Shoot the artillery, I may never fly o'er the enemy, But I'm in the Lord's army! Yes Sir!”

The point being, it doesn’t matter what my job is in God’s Plan; His army; it only matters that I do the task(s) He’s given me to the best of my ability, all for His Glory; not questioning His Authority. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Maybe I’m not the one that will be leading the battle, firing the defenses, flying the rescue…maybe I’m the one that will prepare the leader’s tools, loading the weapons, or pack the parachutes… (Luke 4:18-19) Maybe my rank is forever to be ‘Private’, as in low man on the totem pole, and ‘private’ as in not to be known. (Ephesians 1:11)

It doesn’t matter what rank I’m given; it only matters about the job that I do; for Whom I do it. It’s not about me at all; it’s about Him. It’s His battle. It’s His Win to be had. (Exodus 15:3) “This We’ll Defend.”