God is Faithful

2019. I was over it right after it began. For me, it was a year of testing my patience, pushing my control issues, and showing my lack of trust. I spent more time frustrated, bitter and stressed—in emotional and physical pain—than peaceful and joyful about anything. And I wanted it to end. I knew God was testing me. And I knew I was failing His tests. [And the worst part was a portion of me didn’t care that I was failing. I just wanted the test to end. I gave up. I quit trying. I did just enough to get me through.]

I began the year reading “How to Study the Bible”, by D.L. Moody. It motivated me, inspired me and filled me with zeal to jump into my Bible with purpose. My incentive was to learn all that I could about God’s Word—and not waste any time doing it. Except, in that thought process, I had no real plan. Therefore, just as quickly as the fire in me ignited, so it extinguished. I wasted so much time trying to come up with a plan, that I never got around to execution. I did a few studies, read some devotionals, and spent time in prayer, but I never really dove into His Word. And this is where I pinpoint the beginning of the end of my 2019. I tried to control how God’s Word would fit in my life, that I never put my life in His Word. 

I wasted so much time trying to come up with a plan, that I never got around to executing…I tried to controlhow God’s Word would fit in my life, that I never put my life in His Word… Instead of it being a year filled with God, it was a year filled with doubt.

Instead of it being a year filled with God, it was a year filled with doubt. The uncertainties and instability I faced in my health, with my job (which caused marital and financial stress), and unfairness of life around me took its toll. Instead of turning to His Word for guidance, encouragement and sustenance, I sunk into myself and focused on all the crud around me. I was miserable and made those around me miserable. I knew I was doing it, but I couldn’t (and truthfully—didn’t want to) stop it. [Misery loves company, right?!?] 

I watched good, godly people get hurt. I watched them struggle with injustice, disease and grief. And I questioned God. I watched people around me (in the real world and my digital world) get things I had prayed for. Had hoped for. Had believed God would deliver. And He hasn’t, never did, never will. And I questioned God. I struggled to exist most days, let alone find any joy in anything. And I questioned God. The ironic thing of it all, is that in all my questions, I never sought the answers… (Matthew 7:7-8)

I questioned God. The ironic thing of it all, is that in all my questions, I never sought the answers…

I allowed my self-pity and doubt question my faithfulness to God. And then I began to question His faithfulness to me. I was trying to follow God’s Word, His Plan, His guidance—knowing I falter (a lot)—but I was trying. Where were my rewards? Where were my blessings? Can I tell you the bitterness that will creep in and settle when you begin to focus on all that you don’t have instead of all that you do have? Satan made Eve forget all that God had given her and instead, focus on what God had forbidden. (Genesis 3:1-6) We, too, will fall into trouble when we dwell on what God forbids rather than on the blessings and promises God has given us. 

We fall into trouble when we dwell on what God forbids us rather than on the blessings and promises God has given us. (Genesis 3:1-6)

So many things have gone wrong this past year. And as the year came to a close, the frequency increased. It seemed everything I touched was doomed. It honestly made me question why I bother with anything. At all. But one day it hit me. I was tired of being tired. I was angry at my anger. I was bitter about my bitterness. I questioned all my questions. And I was reminded of John the Baptist. [You can read a past blog on him (and you) here.] He knew who Jesus was. He grew up with Him. He proceeded Him. He pointed people to Him. But in his deepest despair, after a year of imprisonment, He questioned if everything he knew about Jesus was true. (Matthew 11:3, Luke 7:19). Can you relate?!? [Spoiler alert: I sure can!] 

We’re coming to the end of the season where we just reflected on the birth of Jesus and what it meant to mankind. It’s also the time where we vow to begin fresh, anew…[To recap: Jesus came to earth to save us from our sins. He was the sacrificial Lamb. [Quick side note: Passover—which foreshadowed the coming of Jesus (1 Corinthians 5:7)—took place the first month of the Jewish calendar year (Exodus 12:1-2) at midnight. {Timing perfectly here with our New Year’s holiday} It symbolized a new beginning we have in Jesus, our sacrificial Lamb)]. Jesus came to save sinners. And we are all sinners. But, thankfully, He is merciful and filled with grace for us. (Titus 3:3-7) His patience for us knows no bounds.

Sometimes God will take you to a place where there is nothing left that will give you any joy or purpose. Everything you do fails, and you have no more hope or desire—you just exist. He does it to show you that everything is futile without Him.

When we lack the patience and the trust in Him, His faithfulness never fails (1 Corinthians 1:9)—even when we do. Sometimes God will take you to a place where there is nothing left that will give you any joy or purpose. Everything you do fails, and you have no more hope or desire—you just exist. He does it to show you that everything is futile without Him. (Ecclesiastes 1:2; James 1:2-3; Matthew 4:4; Galatians 6:3; Romans 8:18-2) When it seems like you have nothing, and all else fails, where do you turn? Do you turn to God for answers? Or do you turn to the world?

Don’t give up on God when everything seems to fall apart. Perhaps He’s breaking it [you], to fix it [you]. Out with the old, in with the new, right?!? (Isaiah 43:19) He’s working when you don’t see Him; when you don’t feel Him; and when you ignore Him. He never leaves you. (Deuteronomy 31:8; Joshua 1:9; Isaiah 41:10-13)

My problem this past year wasn’t that I was asking tough questions. It was that I wasn’t listening for the tough answers. The answers were there, I just ignored the prodding. (Revelation 3:19-20) Have you felt like God isn’t faithful to you? That no matter what you do, nothing is good enough for His rewards? 

Spoiler Alert: If you believe in Jesus Christ, you’ve already received the greatest reward. (Ephesians 1:3; Colossians 3:24)